Thursday, November 15, 2012

Control Freak

I can joke all I want about my friends being control freaks, but really it takes one to know one, right?

I need to chill out.  Let go.

Why (to me) are Rainbow's art projects beautiful and Cloud's wasteful?  He uses more paper, more glue, more tape, more everything, so WHAT?  I shouldn't let him?  I should micromanage and ask a three year old to understand the greater workings of production and waste?  Should I sacrifice art in the meantime?

NO.  No no no.

I knew in my head what I was thinking, but I didn't feel it until today, when I saw my son creating on the floor his masterpiece.  I'd been with Dragon for a while and had stopped really paying attention to what Cloud and Rainbow had been doing.  Rainbow was sitting at the table making a sparkly hat.  And there was Cloud, on the floor, deep in concentration, pulling long piece after long piece of tape off of the dispenser, twisting them and curling them just right, so focused on taping the brown and purple pieces of paper to each other and to the floor.  After the tape was gone, he started cutting, then he needed glue, and, of course, buttons.  Sometime during the tape I just...softened.  I looked at my little guy, so intent like I rarely see him these days, and I fell in love with him and his uniqueness and I decided to just keep my mouth shut, keep my heart open, and remember he only gets one chance at this.  His understanding the concept of waste will come, but it's not going to come now and that's ok.

I didn't really realize until today that while I give them lots of opportunities for free art, there are hard boundaries.  Since Dragon's been with us, I've not had the time to pay as much attention, and both Rainbow and Cloud have become more self-sufficient and exploratory in their creativity.  Rainbow has blossomed, while Cloud has sort of sputtered.  He wants to cut toothpicks with toddler scissors, he wants to pour the glue out and then not stick anything to anything.  He doesn't really get into the groove like his sister does.  Until today (and really a few times recently, but more so today because Rainbow was completely focused on her own and in a different space.)  Today I saw him all over the floor, getting his own supplies, creating a big project, focused, oh, so focused.  I got sucked in to his focus and just watched him.  I eventually got my camera and took a couple of pictures without disturbing him.

I really need to let go.  Cloud is my greatest teacher for this.

Here are a few pictures.  Please excuse the pull-up.  Ick.

I hope you're able to enjoy your babies for the own unique personalities.  Our version, our creation of the flowers they were meant to be can't touch the exquisite beauty of the flowers they will unfold to be on their own.  I hope you have a lovely day.

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