Friday, January 25, 2013

Sincere and Credible

Welcome to the January 2013 Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival: Authenticity This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by Authentic Parenting and Living Peacefully with Children. This month our participants have written about authenticity through character, emotions, and establishing authentic communication with their children. We hope you enjoy this month's posts and consider joining us next month when we share about Honesty. ***  

I'm new to blogging and newer to blog Carnivals. This particular topic intrigued me because while I consider myself authentic, I never really thought about what that means for parenting. In my personal life, while on one hand what you see is the real me, on the other hand I don't show everything, fearing some judgment and negative repercussions from even my closest of friends for sharing my deep down goodies. I don't pretend things I don't believe, I don't display traits that aren't mine, but I don't show or say everything. It's like holding back of all my truth rather than lying--but I'm just splitting hairs here.

 So what does this mean for me in my parenting? I mean, I'm parenting...I'm doing it my way... I have no idea. I looked up 'authenticity' in the dictionary to help inspire me, and there were three main categories of definitions: being genuine (this has to do with things, so I'm disregarding it), sincerity (for people) and having credibility (in speech). So, again, what does that mean to me regarding parenting? We'll start with sincerity. This takes me directly to what I mentioned in the first paragraph. I am sincere in my words and my actions towards my kids, however I do not hold back. I'm full-blown me, in all of my love, all of my opinions, ideas, emotions, actions, everything. I fear no repercussions, negativity, judgment. When I'm happy and goofy, I'm all the way happy and goofy, I don't hold back, I sing songs about poop, I dance funny little dances...and when I'm angry, I own my anger, I raise my voice, I say what I'm angry about, and I use any and all of the tools in my toolbox to calm myself down and best my best 'me'. I also provide them a space in which they can emote safely, without fear of negativity or punishment from me. I tell them all my crazy ideas, I impart my wisdom (ha!) from experience and trial and error, I try new things. So I'm really much more sincere in my parenting than I am in my day to day.

 On to credibility. I get a lot of flak from my partner about this one. I wasn't raised exactly like I'm raising my kids. I had an incredible childhood, but it lacked emotional depth and it did involve some shaming and blaming, so those are the areas I'm working on most as a parent. I read A LOT--and my partner doesn't like this. He doesn't have experience in his life with gentle discipline or positive parenting, but he also doesn't have lofty goals of doing it differently than his parents did. He'd like to take it a day at a time with no parenting tools, even though he's the first of his friends to have children, doesn't remember his childhood much, and first touched a baby when he touched our first child. I, on the other hand, want the research that shows how detrimental it is for a child to cry alone, to be spanked, to be shamed, blamed, rewarded, punished, and in general treated in a way I don't want to be treated. I want the research that illustrates all of that AND the tools to help me in case I find myself in a situation where I feel violent toward the tiny humans that I have chosen to share my house with. So I read, I ask my friends for advice, I listen, I watch, and I learn, learn, learn. I only have three kids, and they're very young, so I don't really feel I have credibility in the practical applications of what I've learned, but I'm comfortable in my discerning, I'm happy in my parenting, I have amazing kids, and that, to me, is all the credibility I need to continue parenting the way I have been with the foundation I've built. So does that make me an authentic parent? I think so. Now...I think it's time to start applying all of that to my personal life. APBC - Authentic ParentingVisit Living Peacefully with Children and Authentic Parenting to find out how you can participate in next month's Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!   Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants: (This list will be live and updated by afternoon January 25 with all the carnival links.)


  1. I like your credibility statement, the proof is in the pudding. You have incredible kids, and that's all the credibility you need to continue parenting the way you do. Kuddos!

    1. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. :)

  2. Hi there, I enjoyed reading your post and agree wholeheartedly with your first paragraph about not sharing the really deep down stuff with anyone. I think many of us are like that and I'd challenge anyone to say that they truly, deeply share everything. Like you, I'm MORE authentic with my daughter than anyone else; isn't that a gift!

    I'd love to hear what's in your toolbox for helping you calm down as anger is something I find quite challenging to deal with :)

    Warm wishes
    Rae aka mrs green

    1. I'm so glad you feel that sincerity with your daughter. I might just have to write a whole blog post about dealing with my anger... Thanks for inspiring that. :D